Friday, April 28, 2006

What's the Matter With Kids Today?

Fifth grade teachers are required by our state to teach a Human Growth and Development unit. I am a fourth grade teacher so I am spared the stress of teaching that unit this year. However, the sole, male, fifth grade teacher asked if I would help him handle a question and answer session with the fifth grade boys, and I quickly agreed. I saw a golden opportunity to obtain splendid, outrageous comments about the operation of penises and vaginas, and innocent and sometimes purposely provoking stupid questions. I had my palm pilot ready. Each time one of the little hornets would say something hilarious, I would whisper into the voice memo what they said or asked, and I would later turn it all into a hilarious blog.

No such luck! What’s the matter with kids today? They all asked very serious, important, mature questions about sports injuries to the male crotch area, AIDS, and other relevant matters. I taught that unit just a few years ago when I was a fifth grade teacher. What happened to questions like, “If you have a boner and it breaks, how long does your penis have to stay in the cast?” or “How come the people in the movies are all out of breath when their clothes are off?” or “Can a guy get a girl pregnant if their butts touch each other?” or “What happens if puberty never happens?” or “I didn’t like the video on what happens to our bodies during puberty because it was scary.” or “What happens if a boy’s breasts start growing big like a girls?” or “Since you have nuts, can they get crushed like peanuts?” or “What happens if both balls get shoved into one socket?”

Yeah, those were the kinds of questions you used to get asked. Kids weren't afraid to ask all kinds of real questions and make developmentally appropriate, outrageous comments. What’s the matter with kids today?

3 comments:

Laura said...

Hilarious! Isn't it awful when real life will not comply with the needs of a blogger? I have found that now that I blog, real-life has become way more boring. However, I hope this translates into advantages for me, such as never getting audited.

Also, you may teach the facts of life to Jake when we visit. His greatest confusion right now is that a lesbian cousin of Eric's had a baby "with" her girlfriend. I, not having the energy to explain that there were really buildings that housed sperm, responsibly answered, "Yeesh, I dunno Jake."

tracy said...

Walter, can you send me the video tape of the Jake talk or can you do one for girls? How strange to read this about 1 hour after my daughter asked as her final question before going to bed, "Mom, when are you going to tell me how babies are really made". My reply, once school is finished in a few weeks when we will have more time. The ever thoughtful parent is really thinking, hell I don't want her repeating what I say to all of her friends in school, plus I was buying time. Any thoughts on good resource material Walter??

Jack said...

The girls have a book about how babies are made. In it, the mom and dad start to tell the kids how babies are made in the most preposterous way, such a hatched from an egg, delivered by a stork, etc. The kids then laugh hysterically and explain to their parents how babies are really made. (The only part the parents got right was the egg and the seed part of being planted in the ground.) In what I interpret as an effort to convey the fact that adults think that making babies can be fun, the little primative drawings of very round people show the parents making a baby wearing party hats and holding balloons. It's... interesting. Ellie reads it a lot. I wonder whether she gets it very well.