Sunday, August 13, 2006

Knucklehead of the Year

There are some kids in my fourth grade class last year that I want to nominate for "Knucklehead of the Year." I will use only fictitious names to protect the innocent.


Denise! who thought of licking the teacher's apple before she gave it to me. I saw her do it and asked her if she thought I should take a bite after "SOMEONE" licked it. The look on her face was memorable. She got into trouble for that.

Isaac! who wanted to talk to his friend Alec during class, but wasn't happy that I had moved Alec so he called him on his cell phone. The whole class heard Alec's cell phone go off in his backpack, watched as Alec raced over to the coat rack to dig it out, listened as he answered the call, and heard Isaac whisper, "Alec. It's me. I can't talk loud!"

Joe, who was sent on an errand to retrieve a two liter bottle of root beer from the school's cafeteria refrigeration unit. It was for a class party, and Joe must have been mighty excited because his gangly legs galloped back to the classroom, and Joe's arms jiggled like a bartender high on crystal meth shaking up margaritas, and Joe probably dropped the bottle a few times too, maybe like Keith Moreland used to drop routine pop flys during his Chicago Cubs days, and Joe furiously snatched up the bottle in a wild attempt to make up for lost time, and increased his tempo by pumping his legs furiously and demonically as he carried out the important mission of bringing that bottle of root beer back to the classroom as quickly as could conceivably be done by mere mortal legs. At least that is what everyone in the class figured as soon as the foaming went down and we realized Joe was completely out of breath.

And the winner is...................


I have another school year coming up and I'll have a new "Knucklehead of the Year." My wife may want to throw my name into the hat, but I won't win because I would never vote for myself. After all, it is my award.


tracy said...

I love the cell phone trick by Issac. I wonder when kids will wake up and see that teachers and moms do have eyes in back of their heads and super sonic hearing.

Laura said...

Fabulously funny! You make me think that fourth graders are fun! Oh wait, I spend all my time posting how they're not. Never mind.