Selective Hearing

I have done amateur psychological research projects using my classroom students as subjects. Here are the results of one of my experiments on a subject I shall refer to as Joe:

Joe is the perfect subject. He is capable of zoning out, or shutting off his mind, to all classroom distractions. I have talked to him about it and he has admitted that he engages in what I shall simply refer to as “daydreaming.” I noticed that Joe wasn’t paying any attention to a math lesson on how to change fractions to percents, so I decided to use that moment as an opportunity to experiment on Joe. I began with the sentence, “Everyone please pay strict attention because this will be on the test.”

Please note: No response from Joe, either in head movement, eye focus, or body position.

I paused a few seconds and then said, “Everyone please pay strict attention because I want to give everybody a handful of Jolly Ranchers*.”

Please note: Joe’s head immediately spun on the spinal column, and his body position turned approximately 160 degrees, both actions occurring in a little under two seconds. Also, his eyes refocused.

Then I waited two days. I noticed that Joe wasn’t paying much attention to a math lesson on how to change percents to decimals, so I decide to use that moment as an opportunity to continue my experiment on Joe. I began with the sentence, “Everyone please pay strict attention because I want to give everybody a handful of Jolly Ranchers*.”

Please note: Joe’s head immediately spun on the spinal column, and his body position turned approximately 160 degrees, both actions occurring in a little under two seconds. Also, his eyes refocused.

I had to settle all the students back in their chairs and this took some time, effort, and lying. As soon as they were settled, I began the math lesson again and then said, “Everyone please pay strict attention because this will be on the test.”

Please note: No response from Joe, either in head movement, eye focus, or body position.

This is what you call Selective Hearing. If all the data in my experiments are correct, then my hypothesis will turn out to be correct: Joe will grow up to be a balding, fourth grade elementary school teacher with a ferocious sweet tooth and a wife named Peggy.



* a hard candy popular among ten year olds
* a statement that can break up a fourth grade classroom for several minutes