Simon, Mouth Farting King

The first week of school is usually tough for some kids. Last year poor little Simon was one of them. All he did for a week was nervously fiddle with his bangs, which were well tended and well handled. However, one of the other boys "shared" with the class that Simon was famous for his mouth farts, which were the best in the school.

Now, first of all, I am not your regular, normal human being. I studied and practiced belching, for cryin' out loud. If someone says a kid is a great mouth farter, I won't even ask what that means. I want to hear. Give me the noise. Now! So I asked Simon to mouth fart for me. I don't know what I was expecting, but this normally shy and reclusive little bang handler reared back and let go with one of the best farting noises I ever heard, and it was all done with his mouth. It was realistic, rudely loud, and may I go so far as to say, magnificent. I cracked up laughing and applauded Simon. He went back to bang handling later, but for a brief moment, he had his shining moment of glory. I also saw one of the girls, Melissa, roll her eyes and shake her head in disgust at both Simon, for his gross noise making ability, and me, for encouraging and enjoying such vulgarity.

I want to thank Tracy for her comment in an earlier blog which reminded me of Simon's talent. I had almost forgotten. I shall see Simon in about a month when school starts, and I will have a better chance of remembering to ask if he is still the Mouth Farting King. And as one of his fans, I would appreciate hearing another Grade A, Major League, First Class Mouth Fart.