Build-Up

For those of you who consider yourselves horrible housekeepers, just think what it'd be like if you owned a one room house with about seven hundred square feet of living space. There is no kitchen so there are no dishes; everyone eats out. There are no bathrooms so no clean-up there; everyone potties somewhere else. There are no bedrooms so there are no beds to make up; everyone sleeps somewhere else.

However, your children spend five and a half hours a day, five days a week in your one room house. Oh, and one more thing. You have twenty-six kids, all the same age.

That is the formidable job a custodian has at a school. A great custodian does a splendid job, but they do have limited time to spend in your classroom. A lousy custodian means less clean-up. This leads to a subsequent build-up of chalk dust, dirt, grime, grease, sludge, droppings, drippings, oozings, excess mucus overflows, the creepin' crud, boogers, excretions, vomit, and germs that children instinctively propagate in such immense numbers so as to "get the most" out of their immune system.

For my classroom I would like a GEBLAT (GErm BLAcklighT) or a UGERG (Ultraviolet GErm Reveal Gun) that when turned on in a room makes all the chalk dust, dirt, grime, grease, sludge, droppings, drippings, oozings, excess mucus overflows, the creepin' crud, boogers, excretions, vomit, and germs glow-in-the-dark. I don't want a UGERG so I can see the germs. I want it to see the spectacle of light that would outclass our city's 4th of July fireworks display.

I also want a special germ eliminator. I picture something like my bug sprayer that I use around the yard to exterminate bugs. However, this bottle would be filled with Agent K'vorkian Yellow or some other such product that would really knock those germs dead. Maybe something like an antiseptic, low-heat flamethrower that would burn up the gricky stuff without setting fire to any of the papers. Or how about a chemical warfare gun that could shoot out build-up killing gas. Maybe a special fire extinguisher hose that would come out of the wall except it'd be a germ hose and would shoot out some kind of secret Amway product that mystifyingly antiseptizes everything, and you just hose the place down.












I mention this because the summer school I am teaching at has a lousy custodiam. Like I said, a lousy custodian allows certain things to build up over time.





Yech!