EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD

After teaching for twenty years, and even though I am in a new school and it's middle school not elementary school, I have honed my "eyes in the back of my head" to the point that I know what's going on "behind my back", or at least have a clue, which is more than my students will give me credit for having. Here are some of the things that I "sense" go on behind my back.

1. The passing of items of interest such as cosmetics, candy, books, answers, pharmaceuticals, colognes and fragrances, CDs, DVDs, glasses, iPods, Karaoke machines, oil and acrylic paintings, school supplies, "contraband," gum, candy, and tamales

2. Foots placed on backs of the students sitting in front of another for the purposes of instigating irritation, infatuation, ingratiation, and stimulation

3. Conversations about but not limited to: other conversations, another student, each other, another class, another teacher, music, love, romance, exterior body parts, grapefruit, pancakes, bananas, homework, other students' behavior, clothing, tattoes (real and permanent markered), breakfast, brunch, lunch, relationships, TV, plans, problems, perfume, and gaseous emissions

4. The passing of notes of which the subjects have been about but not limited to love, romance, perfume, cologne, after-shave, a member of the opposite sex or the same sex, homework, cheating (on both love and tests), computers, iPods, sports, exterior body parts, music, sex, relationships, TV and movie stars, cash, food, gum, books, passing, failing, Popular Mechanics magazine, the mall, the fall, video games, candles, matches, Smoky Robinson and the Miracles, friends, phones, fiends, Sponge Bob Square Pants, tickling, and orifices

4. Giggling over a secret joke, a secret look, a secret book, a secret, and another person's walk, looks, eyes, voice, mannerisms, affectations, hairstyle, clothing, make-up (boy and girl), tattoes (real and permanant-markered), and my saggy old man's butt.

I pretty sure these have taken place. I can only imagine what else has been going on behind my back.