Saturday, September 13, 2008


When I was a boy growing up in the United States in the 1950's, it seemed that the national preoccupation was with women's breasts, tits, jugs, hooters, knockers, melons, or blouse biscuits, whichever you prefer. The brassiere had been invented, modified, and perfected, and with this technology came a fascination that "peaked" with the Persian Points.

My generation, the hippies of the sixties, is transfixed on a different body part, and after years of personal observation and study, I have decided that our nation is now preoccupied with the rear end, the derriere, the tush, the seat, the keister, the bu77, the a$$.

Have you ever noticed that no one wants to sue your neck or your wallet or even your bank account, which would be the ultimate prize? No! They want to sue your a$$.

Nobody wants to beat your face in anymore; they want to kick yer a$$, or whup yer a$$.

No one crashes into an automobile anymore. They crash into his, her, or your a$$.

Doesn't anyone tell anyone else to forget about it? Doesn't anyone say, "I disagree with you vehemently!"? No! They say, "Kiss my a$$." I don't want anybody kissing my a$$, especially an enemy. How do you know what they're gonna do back there? They could change their mind and do something else.

No one beats someone in a race anymore. Now you beat their a$$.

No one says, "I want you to leave immediately! Get your face and your knees out of my office!" No! They tell you to get your a$$ out of their office. At least that's what I hear most of the time.

No one in the United States is a broken elbow, a fractured brain or a tongue. Nope! They're an a$$hole. Or a bu77wipe.

No one kowtows anymore. Instead, they're an a$$ ki$$er or a brown no$er.

No one goes fast anymore. You aren't picking your feet up and puttin' 'em down. Nowadays, yer haulin' a$$.

A woman no longer has a great set o' knockers. Instead, she has a sweet a$$. Or a tight a$$. Or a hot a$$.

No one gets knocked on their back. They get knocked on their a$$. It's in the same area. Why does it have to be the a$$?

You don't get in trouble anymore. And you don't get your neck in a wringer. You get your a$$ in trouble, or your bu77 in a wringer. At least I do. I'd rather have my bu77 in a wringer than my neck. Of course, that's just me.

No one gets out of a chair anymore. They get off their a$$.

How come we don't want to shove anything down someone's throat anymore? When I was a kid, we were taught that you were supposed to shove stuff down your enemies throat. Not anymore. Now you gotta shove it up their a$$, which is a slightly more pleasant experience for your enemy and a much more excrutiating experience for yourself.

It's not an important observation about our society. I might not even be correct. I just thought I'd mention it.

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